


I still love you

by flwwrbys



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Back Together, Insecurity, Johnjae are best buddies, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Squint for Johnten, Teen and up for language, basketball captain! jaehyun, jk my eyesight is trash, new student! doyoung, sad bbs :(, squinting is for losers! this meme is brought to you by the non myopic gang, they become happy bbs at the end :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 13:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16451204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flwwrbys/pseuds/flwwrbys
Summary: Jaehyun hasn't seen Doyoung in over a year (and neither has he wanted to) but he definitely doesn't expect to be greeted by a creative insult. Okay, you inbreeded reptile. Bring it on.(None of his "bring it on" macho states have ever brought him anything good. This one won't.)





	I still love you

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [jdd_vol1](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/jdd_vol1) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Doyoung is back from overseas and Jaehyun is the captain of the college basketball team. Everyone is wondering why the new kid and the most loved student in campus hate each other. Maybe it's because they're exes? 
> 
> Want: crack lol

  
“Shuffle over.”

Johnny heard an unfamiliar voice and looked up to see an unfamiliar face to match with the voice.

“Uh, I don’t think I’ve seen you around, are you new?”

“Um, yeah. But I need a seat in this lecture.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

He shuffled over to make room for the newcomers.

“I’m Doyoung. I transferred from, uh, America.”

“Ah, nice. I’m Johnny. I’m from America too, Chicago.”

Johnny felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned to face his other seatmate.

“Yeah?”

“Who are you talking to?”

“Ah, a new transfer.”

Jaehyun stuck his head of brown hair out and his hand to greet the newcomer.

“Hey, I’m Jaehyun.”

The transfer student took one look at him and holy fuck, Jaehyun wanted to die. Doyoung stared at him with an extremely degrading expression and soured his facial expression.

“Why are you here, you fucking bitchface?”

“I would ask the same fucking question, bitch.”

“I was here first.”

“I’m surprised you even made it to one of the SKY universities, pig brain.”

“Fuck off, shit head.”

Johnny was appalled at this exchange of insults, getting caught in the crossfire (he was sitting in the middle of the two). He didn’t think insults could have been used so creatively as the two continued almost yelling curses at each other.

“Listen up, you fucking gizzard haggis eating earthworm, I did not come to Yonsei to get insulted by the likes of you and your below-average level of intelligence.”

“Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing? At least earthworms are useful, you fucking parasite.”

“Why are you calling me a fucking parasite?”

“Because you are one??”

“Fuck off, you scaly reptile inbreeded egg.”

At this moment, Jaehyun wanted to rebuke with an equally awful remark but the professor walked into the lecture theatre and called for silence.

* * *

“OH JESUS SALVAGE MY BROKEN SOUL!”

“Oh my god. Calm down.”

“SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WANTING TO DIE!”

“A lot. Dude. What’s wrong with you?”

“My nemesis has arrived. Time to sharpen thy knives.”

“Please don’t start a war Jaehyun-“

“Johnny! You don’t understand!”

“Damn right I don’t.”

Jaehyun held his head in his hands. This was fucked up. His fucking EX, that had somehow wormed his snakey ass back into his life, was back again to cause ruin to Jaehyun’s life.

So how had they become exes in the first place?

* * *

They had met four years ago, in America, at an international school. Being the only two Koreans in their class, they had bonded quickly- and that friendship quickly turned into something more. They had promised each other their futures, and they had even gone so far as to have met each other’s parents and gotten their blessing.

Jaehyun then quickly learnt that he was due to move back to Korea, which he thought he and Doyoung could overcome, because it had always been him and Doyoung against the world, and they had been winning. It was a pity his aspirations were too great, for Doyoung simply silently let him go.

Jaehyun was mad, and of course, being the hot headed individual he was, started fighting with Doyoung three hours before he was supposed to be at the airport.

* * *

“You don’t care about me at all, was this all a lie?”

“You know damn fucking well what the answer is, Jaehyun.”

At times like this Jaehyun wishes Doyoung were a little more loose-lipped, that he had more insecurity, that he wasn’t so rigid.

It was times like this where Jaehyun falls rock bottom and loses control of his emotions, says things he shouldn’t say and does things he definitely will regret.

“Yeah. Well. I guess you never loved me anyway. Sorry for taking this fucking relationship so seriously.”

Doyoung’s eyes glinted dangerously. Jaehyun had crossed the line but he was too far gone to be rescued.

“Sorry that you’re too stupid to understand anything? Your brain is like a child’s, Jaehyun. Nothing lasts forever.”

“I guessed that maybe this would. But I guessed wrong. I thought you were my everything. But I guess I thought wrong. You really are nothing to me.”

Jaehyun doesn’t believe the words spilling from his mouth, but he had no filter to halt his hazy brain from ruining the one thing that was right in his life.

From that day onwards, he had harboured a gigantic grudge against Kim fucking Doyoung, and it seemed like the latter, too had done so.

Which he just learnt of, today, after said fucker called him pig brain on their first meeting four years later.

* * *

_jaehyun fancafe_

_onlyforjaehyun: video link_  
_onlyforjaehyun: our jaehyun-ie was in a fight today:(_

_jjangjaehyun: honestly his opponent looks hot too though.... [+1881 -13]_

_snowjae: f*ck...jaehyun looks so hot cursing ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [+990 -133]_

_jungjh: ㅋㅋㅋ visual overload [+818 -23]_

_klnd: is it bad that I kind of ship them? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ [+2929 -200]_

* * *

“Dude. Have you seen your cafe daum fanpage?”

“No, why?”

Johnny pulled out his phone to show Jaehyun the video of him arguing with Doyoung.

Doyoung looks reaaally hot spewing expletives. 

“Look at the comments- a third of them say you’re hot, the other third say Doyoung’s hot and the rest say they ship you too together.”

“What game are you playing, Johnny?”

“This ain’t a game-“

“Hi!”

A hyperactive boy suddenly cut into Johnny and Jaehyun’s conversation. A hyperactive boy Jaehyun knew as Lee Donghyuck, and despite how much Jaehyun loved the damn boy, there was no doubt that he was a little...intrusive. Which was a given, for he worked for the school press (gossip tabloid).

“What do you want today?”

“I want the tea of you and Doyoung-hyung.”

“There’s nothing.”

“Why did you call him a bee fucker during yesterday’s 9am lecture?”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW-“

“Doyoung-hyung told me. He also said you had a small-“

“I’m going to kill that bitch. Johnny, hold my Macbook Pro Rose Gold.”

“The fuck bro....”

“JUST HOLD IT I’M ABOUT TO PUNCH HIS FACE INWARDS.”

* * *

Jaehyun scoured the campus, looking for a certain Kim Doyoung. He was nowhere in sight. He tried the cafeteria, the gardens and even the freaking lecture theatre toilets. Then again, finding a single person in a gigantic campus was no easy feat either.

“ARGH. THIS BITCH IS DRIVING ME CRAZY-“

“Which bitch?”

Jaehyun was about to tear his follicles out from his prize winning luscious head of hair when that piss ass voice tore him out of his frustration.

“YOU-“

“Oh now I’m the bitch? Let’s really not forget three years ago you-“

“WHY DID YOU TELL DONGHYUCK ALL THAT SHIT? YOU KNOW THAT BOY CAN’T SHUT HIS BIG ASS MOUTH.”

“Oh so that’s his name! I just wanted you to get fucked over, dear beloved basketball captain.”

Doyoung’s voice drowned in artificial strawberry flavouring and honeyed cough syrup. Jaehyun wanted to throw up.

“For someone that despises contact with me you sure talk a lot.”

“I hear I’m pretty hot from your fans, Jae.”

Jaehyun despises the way his nickname drips from the corner of Doyoung’s mouth. He also despises how easily it comes out. How familiar it is, to be called Jae by that voice.

(And honestly? How he wants Doyoung to call him Jae and comb his fingers through his hair again. Like old times.)

((Also, what the fuck? Are his fans betraying him too?))

Jaehyun hates it all. Most of all, he hates Doyoung. He must hate him, because he destroyed his not-so-prepubescent heart and ripped it to shreds.

“Fuck off Doyoung you’re so irritating? I literally hate you so much just get off my back? Why are you still letting that stupid petty fight dictate your feelings towards me? When have you ever been so snarky? What have I done wrong? I tried so hard to make it work and you didn’t try. At all.”

“Are we really going to start a fight in the middle of the fucking courtyard? Think this though. Your brain to mouth filter is basically non-existent. The more you say the worse it’ll be. Don’t say I didn’t try for us- because I did. I tried very hard-“

“You didn’t try at all.”

Jaehyun was aware of how desolate he sounded. He was aware of desperate he sounded- this was terrible. This was only the second day Doyoung was back, and he was already breaking down.

So he left. He just turned tail and left, running towards the dorms, ignoring the cameras following him.

He can’t dump the memory of Doyoung like this. He can’t forget, undoubtedly, the best three years of his life. Memories stay. Jaehyun’s learnt that the hard way. It’s not his fault he’s unfeeling and soulless like Mr Look-at-me-I’m-actually-a-fucking-bitch.

* * *

_jaehyun fancafe_

_sparklejae: video link_  
_sparklejae: oppa and that doyoung guy were fighting in the courtyard today ㅜㅜ_

_onlyforjaehyun: looking at it again it really is visual overload ㅋㅋㅋ we should change this fancafe to the dojae fancafe [+2928 -345]_

_kkhyun: are there like 345 homophobes in this fancafe or what [+1238 -559]_

_jaejae: there are 559 homophobes now? ^^ get your minds fixed there’s nothing wrong with being gay ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [+1224 -600]_

_dodoh: he’s so hot..,, they’re so hot when they argue...I must be out of my mind ㅋㅋㅋㅋ [+500 -19]_

* * *

  
Johnny almost spat his coffee straight into Jaehyun’s face when he scrolled through the Jaehyun fancafe page.

After coughing and hacking and a worried Jaehyun bashing his fist into his back, he calmed down and showed Jaehyun the recent updates.

Jaehyun almost threw Johnny’s iPhone XR into the window when he read the fancafe messages. Him? Doyoung? He wanted to die.

* * *

If Doyoung had a list of things he Did Not Sign Up For, meeting Jaehyun at freaking Yonsei University would be at the top of the list. He came specifically to Yonsei to avoid Jaehyun, knowing the limitations of his intelligence, and apparently, he was very wrong.

If Doyoung wanted to add on to that list, it would be hurling insults at him as a greeting after a whole year of not seeing him, and not knowing if he would ever see him again, in fact.

Doyoung had very little regret in his life. He believed that youth would be wasted on regret, and thus he made it a point that no matter how terrible of a decision he made- he would move on and leave the regret behind him.

He doesn't know why he can't leave the regret of that day behind. It's been a whole year. He circled that date on the calendar till the red ink bled to the next month, and the next. Guilt thrusts a thick thorn through his heart, again, again, twisting it to inflict more pain-

He can't live like this.

Despite being a man of very little words, he doesn't know why he can't help but lash out at Jaehyun. Is it because he, no matter the content of the conversation, wants Jaehyun to keep talking to him, keep exisiting in his life?

He doesn't actually want to ruin this already broken relationship of theirs. Not when it broke because of him. Not when he's only returned and seen him for a grand total of two days and (surprise surprise!) already fucked it up. All chances of redemption were gone, out the window, all because (and he didn't blame Jaehyun for holding it against him) he was some insecure boy that was still scared of many things.

* * *

"Do, I'm going back to Korea."

Doyoung's fetal brain did not know how to process this information. Jaehyun's expression was unreadable. Did he want them to stay together? Did he want to leave Doyoung? Was long distance too hard for them?

They were 17. They weren't babies anymore. Jaehyun's glowed up horrifically fast in one year. He's no longer the lanky and awkward teenager in class 2-C with acne and a squeaky voice. His voice, now a smooth baritone, matched his disgustingly handsome features too well. Puberty smashed into him like a bullet train and now everyone's somehow enamoured of him.

Doyoung's loved him since he'd been that lanky, awkward teenager. And he's known that Jaehyun had always loved him back, but somehow Doyoung felt dirty. He felt like he had cheated Jaehyun out of better relationships, better partners, and heck, even a better life.

Wasn't this his one single chance to give his love everything he deserved?

"Yeah. Okay. Whatever."

"What do you mean whatever? Do you not care?"

"Honestly, just go. I can't stop you, and you can't reschedule that flight. It doesn't even matter either way."

Hey, Doyoung thought, maybe if he hates me, it'll be easier for him to move on.

Doyoung hasn't been this stupid in 17 years. Pretending had been so hard. The consequences were even harder.

* * *

The sound of basketballs dribbled into the varnished floor and shoes skidding across the surface of the basketball court filled the indoor sports hall.

The coach blew his whistle for the fifth time that evening. Jaehyun flinched. He didn't even need to hear his coach calling his name to know it was him. Jaehyun, the captain and ace of the team, was unnaturally underperforming, and especially at such a crucial juncture. The college basketball national finals were next week. He couldn't afford to pull his team down, not now, not ever.

"Jaehyun."

Jaehyun hung his head low.

"Yes, Coach Park."

"You're out of it today."

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. Won't happen again."

"Take a break, Jaehyun."'

"I'll be fine coach, I swear."

Coach Park gave him a side-eye but blew the whistle again to signal the continuation of the game.

Jaehyun wanted to ball up and cry. He didn't need a break, he needed Doyoung terminated from his life, his brain, his memory, and most of all, his heart. No matter how much awful shit he said about Doyoung, his heart, that fucking betrayer of an organ, would always pound madly whenever Doyoung was in Jaehyun's peripheral vision, whenever his voice filled his ears like music.

After the practice, Johnny practically had to lug a half-dead Jaehyun back to their dorm room.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"Ah, just, you know. Tired."

"You were super out of it! You missed like 50% of the shots you took, that's super unlike you-"

"Ugh, just stop talking, my head's pounding."

"Is it Doyoung?"

"Don't say his name. Please."

Jaehyun allowed himself to sound vulnerable in front of Johnny. He was broken. He had tried so hard to keep up his I-don't-give-a-fuck facade for the past two days that it had tired him out to the core. It had opened so many old wounds that he'd been bled dry.

Johnny had been his friend for long enough to know how sensitive Jaehyun was, so he dropped the subject and both of them walked back to their dorms in relative silence.

(If Johnny had heard Jaehyun crying that night and had noticed his puffy eyes in the morning, he doesn't say anything about them.)

* * *

_johnnysuh: is this doyoung_  
_doyoung: yes. is this johnny? how did you get my number?_  
_johnnysuh: stole it off jaehyun's speed dial_  
_doyoung: um. okay._  
_johnnysuh: do you mind meeting me at the courtyard at 10am_  
_doyoung: it's 9.50am rn_  
_johnnysuh: yeah. meet me in 10. it's an emergency._  
_doyoung: I can't really turn you down, can I_  
_johnnysuh: good. see you there._

* * *

What did Johnny want to see him for so early in the morning? Doyoung had a sinking feeling in his gut that it was regarding Jaehyun. But still he went. He went because he, despite having blatantly shown his public "hatred" for Jaehyun, still cared for him, even more so than he did before Jaehyun left for America. Maybe because Doyoung felt responsible. He felt responsible and disgusting. He had broken Jaehyun's heart. He was sure of it.

Might he be able to mend it back? Even if it was only a plaster on a fracture?

He'd try. He'd try anything to get Jaehyun back.

So he ran. He ran from his dorm to the courtyard. He arrived panting, easily being able to spot Johnny for he was of a commendable height.

"Hi, uh. I hope I wasn't late."

"No, you're right on time. So. If you couldn't guess, I'm here to talk about Jaehyun."

Doyoung almost walked away. Almost. But he didn't. He was sick of running away from his problems and letting his insecurities destroy him and everyone he loved.

"Yeah. I f-figured."

"He's the basketball captain."

"I know."

"He's been performing terribly. He isn't eating well, he isn't sleeping well, and it's only the second week you've been here."

"It's all my fault, isn't it."

"Listen, I'm not trying to push blame-"

"No, Johnny. You're right. It is all my fault. I'm sick and tired of living with guilt and lost love. If you wanna know why I left that day, it's because I had been insecure. I wanted Jaehyun to have more than what I could offer. I was so greedy. I was greedy for Jaehyun. I was so convinced I wasn't enough that I pretended not to care so he would hate me more. If he hated me more, the easier it would have been for him to move on, because I'm a fucking horrible person and I don't deserve that angel."

* * *

Jaehyun and Johnny had a 12pm class to attend, but Johnny had left at around 9.45am which made Jaehyun suspicious. His friend rarely rolls out of bed before double digits (unless for his boyfriend Ten, which is a totally different story), so when Jaehyun noticed him leaving at that time, he had a bad feeling something was going to happen.

Johnny was at the courtyard, waiting for someone. Jaehyun felt like a fucking stalker, back against the wall closest to Johnny, straining his ears to hear for the companion he had been waiting for-

And there it was. That same voice that had sung him lullabies and love songs, whispered I love yous in the middle of the night, that same voice that had slapped him with words that stung and pushed him away when he needed him the most.'

Doyoung.

What was he doing here?

"No, Johnny. You're right. It is all my fault. I'm sick and tired of living with guilt and lost love. If you wanna know why I left that day, it's because I had been insecure. I wanted Jaehyun to have more than what I could offer. I was so greedy. I was greedy for Jaehyun. I was so convinced I wasn't enough that I pretended not to care so he would hate me more. If he hated me more, the easier it would have been for him to move on, because I'm a fucking horrible person and I don't deserve that angel."

Doyoung.

Doyoung.

Doyoung fucked up but always- he'd always been- he'll always be- that same old Doyoung he loved- and still loves four years ago.

"Why?"

The words had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"You-"

Doyoung's crying is very apparent. Jaehyun's never seen him cry. He shoots a look at Johnny and he steps aside. Jaehyun swoops in and pulls him into a tight hug. The tightest one he might have ever given. He misses the feeling of Doyoung in his arms so much.

Doyoung melts into his embrace, tears freely falling now, hands circling around Jaehyun's waist-

He's all he ever wanted.

"It's okay, baby. We both fucked up. Big time. But now we're here."

"I'm s-so f-fucking sorry."

"Me too. This isn't something that can be fixed in a few minutes, or days, or weeks, but would you try..."

"I would try anything for you, Jae."

For the first time in a while, Jaehyun smiles so brightly his dimples show up and he feels like he's walking on air.

"I'd try anything for you too, Do."

* * *

Jaehyun's team wins the college basketball championship. Doyoung cheers the loudest, even out of all his fans (that have also apparently become fans of Doyoung himself).

Jaehyun skips out on the team dinner to go home with Doyoung. They cook a simple congratulatory meal together, and despite the food not being as fancy as the one he would have eaten at the hotel the team were eating at, it's undoubtedly the best meal he's ever had.

When they're chewing at bulgogi meat, Jaehyun re-asks Doyoung to be his boyfriend, and they dissolve their past insecurities and uncertainty in the warmth of the other's embrace. (DOYOUNG DEFINITELY CRIED HE'S SUCH A SOFTIE SPREAD THE MESSAGE.)

(P.S Doyoung doesn't return the team hoodie Jaehyun gave him to wear for the match. It's too soft and smells too much like Jaehyun for him to return. Jaehyun thinks it's cute and gives him access to his wardrobe. (It's free real esate.))

* * *

_jaedo fancafe_

_jaedosupreme: photo link_  
_jaedosupreme: they’re so cute together ㅋㅋ_

_jhyn: they really are visual couple ㅜㅜ moment of silence for the female race [+2882 -22]_

_neocltch: the male race is mourning also ㅋㅋ_  
_[+1003 -390]_

_kkael: I wish them only happiness! to bliss and beyond ㅜㅜ [+2127 -49]_

**Author's Note:**

> yikes i hope this was ok lol i really like all the yum yum post break up getting back together good stuffs so i hope this met your expectations!! it turned out more angsty than needed but HAHAHAHHHA what's life without angst am i right!!!!! but there's always a happy ending :>>> happy reading! x


End file.
